What Your Favorite Beer Says About Your Axe-Swinging Style
Ever cracked open a cold one after a long day of splitting logs and thought, “This beer really gets me”?
Well, turns out it does.
Your go-to brew says a lot about the kind of axe-swinger you are — whether you're precision-chopping kindling or going full Viking on a pile of oak. Let’s break it down:
Pabst Blue Ribbon PBR)
The Old-School Brawler
You're not here for the frills — you’re here to swing steel and sweat. Your chopping style is fast, furious, and probably accompanied by a flannel shirt that’s older than your truck.
Signature Move: The two-handed overhead power slam
Playlist: Lynyrd Skynyrd, Chainsaws, and Regret
Preferred Target: Whatever the hell needs splitting. Right now.
Guinness
The Precision Technician
You treat axe-swinging like an art form. You measure your swing angles, adjust your footwork, and sharpen your blades like a surgeon. Your beer is rich, smooth, and a little dramatic — just like your woodpile.
Signature Move: The slow, controlled one-strike split
Playlist: Celtic metal or forest ambiance
Preferred Target: Birch logs arranged by grain direction and density
Coors Banquet
The Western Wrangler
You probably own a hat with sweat stains and can rope a log faster than most folks tie their shoes. You split wood the way cowboys ride bulls: no hesitation, no second guessing. Just swing and sip.
Signature Move: One-handed chop while holding a beer
Playlist: Johnny Cash, old-school outlaw country
Preferred Target: Sun-dried cedar in a pile as high as your truck bed
Sierra Nevada Pale Ale
The Weekend Warrior
You’ve got a garage full of axes you only use on Saturdays. You like the swing more than the split — and the beer more than the sweat. You’re out there for the vibe, the balance, the moment.
Signature Move: Mid-chop selfie with perfect lighting
Playlist: Indie rock, lo-fi wood-chop beats
Preferred Target: Soft pine you “liberated” from Home Depot
Modelo Especial
The Efficient Grinder
You don't talk. You just split. Efficient, focused, and probably sweating through your shirt by log #3. You like your beer cold, clean, and ready when you are.
Signature Move: Machine-like repetition without a single miss
Playlist: Just the sound of wood cracking and a cold one popping open
Preferred Target: Whatever pile's biggest — you’re clearing it before sunset
IPA Any Craft Variant)
The Gearhead Lumberjack
You've got a custom-forged axe, a beard that’s been featured on Instagram, and a cooler full of beers with names like “Hopsecutioner” or “Tree Blood IPA.” Your form is solid, your technique is photogenic, and you're not above rating your swing style out of 10.
Signature Move: The stylish diagonal cut with a mid-air twist
Playlist: Folk-metal, mountain synth, or “axe-swinging ASMR”
Preferred Target: Hard maple, Instagram-ready
Bud Light
The Chill Destroyer
You’re here to chop and chill. Maybe it's not fancy, but it’s damn refreshing — and so is your swing. Straightforward, no-nonsense, and surprisingly effective.
Signature Move: Dead-center swing while holding a conversation
Playlist: Whatever’s on the radio
Preferred Target: The nearest log within arm’s reach
Homebrew
The DIY Legend
You make your own beer and built your own axe handle from a reclaimed barn beam. You don’t just swing for firewood — you swing for legacy. Probably wears leather work gloves... in summer.
Signature Move: The “double chop with windmill follow-through”
Playlist: Vinyl-only, played through a solar-powered speaker
Preferred Target: Any log with a story behind it
Want to perfect your style? Grab Axxes is the place to do it, find a beer, throw an axe, watch a game. It’s Lubbock’s premiere relaxation spot
